Fear

Imagine a forest at night. Not any other night though. A cloudless night, with the moon a needle-sharp sickle. The stars are tiny dots of light, enough only to reveal their own existence. No breeze can make the tree-tops sway. One can almost believe they see a broom-riding silhouette pass across Selena's face. Through this forest I had to pass, nearly two hours after midnight. Actually, it was my own choice, in order to avoid meeting the police. The thing is, I had forgotten my bicycle light on my desk. And the fine for cycling without lights is 300 SEK (33 EUR). For a single light. If the officer is feeling nasty, the fines can go over 700 SEK for the lack of front light, back light and wheel reflectors. Add to this that yesterday was Saturday night and the police were patrolling in search for club brawls, drunken students and lightless cyclists. Not eager to part with that sum, I chose to walk until I reach the forest, then cycle straight through it.

Usually, this is not impossible. Cycling through the pitch-black woods at full speed. I have done it more than once, using the slightly lighter colour of the track as a guiding rail. One time in winter I even did it without being able to see anything, only with the crunching of the snow under my tires telling me if I am still on the track or have veered away. So I knew I had the guts and the keen night-vision to pull myself through again.

Tonight, it was different. My pupils were probably the size of my irises, yet I could still see nothing. An eerie silence had set over the forest, cushioning every sound. Even the cars, driving on the street 50 m from me, could not break this shroud, void of even the tiniest chime.

Usually, I am not superstitious. Or, better said, I am but I never believe something bad could happen to me. I have gone under ladders, broken a mirror, continued walking after a black cat had crossed the street. In fact when I see the black cat crossing, I am even more eager to go through there, to shatter the spell with my passing, so that others can walk unharmed.
My personal safety has never been that big of an issue for me. I know my limits and I have full trust in my senses, muscles and reflexes. I have climbed sheer rocks without a support, I have been swimming underwater until I started seeing red spots, I have stood on the bow of a ship during a storm, not holding on to anything, jumped from places people are afraid to get up to. The secret is called risk and environment assessment. In every single second I knew where my body was, where the next ledge, the water surface, the nearest rope were, exactly what to do.

Tonight, again it was different. A black cat had crossed my way and this time I could not get the spell-breaking sensation. It was more that the spell wrapped itself around me, invisible tentacles grasping at my bike and at myself. Under normal circumstances my willpower is enough to make an evil donkey turn around and attend its own business. This time, after an eight hour long shift in the pub, it was not in its best shape.

As soon as I entered the forest, I was confused. I could not remember if the next right turn was after two or after twenty metres, or whether the path was supposed to pass to the left or to the right of this tree. I though my eyes still needed readjustment, so I stopped and waited for some minutes. Even while standing still in a complete silence, I could not hear anything. And I could not see the light track on the path. I decided to turn back and try another entrance.

The second time it was even worse. I could not discern whether I was cycling on ground, gravel or grass. I was forced to stop again. It was as if something was pushing me away from the forest. "Go Away, Mortal One, We Do Not Want Your Kind In Here!" As soon as I realised that, fear, terrifying cold fear trickled down my veins, nearly freezing me in place. For the first time in so long that I can not even remember, I was afraid for myself. Normally, the only way to scare (and then enrage) me is to threaten my loved ones. I turned back and started for the well-lit streets. Refusing to give in to the dread, I continued cycling at my current speed, looking for police cars. Luckily, I did not meet any and was able to crawl under my blanket without further incidents, sinking into the depths of Morphaeus' realm.

Tonight, the cat and the woods got the better of me. But mark my words, Forest: Next time it is I who shall be victorious!